Break through!

Mark and I are not ones given to losing our tempers or shouting. Oh sure, we may yell at our kids from time to time, ie. "What are you doing to your sister?! Let go NOW!" But talking with angry feelings in a heated discussion is foreign to both of us. Well, finally, after all this time, we had our first heated discussion last Saturday, where both of us were angry at the same time, at one another and actually talking through it, while feeling the angry feelings. It was scary and healing. It is frightening for me to allow myself to feel angry, let alone express those feelings to anyone and certainly not to the person with whom I am angry. I stood my ground, he stood his. It was a respectful exchange - no demeaning, yet we were able to feel the angry feelings in one another's presence and even speak loudly / raise our voices without being rude or overriding the other person. In other words, we took turns venting loudly to one another ( I guess I never thought that possible) about our frustrations in our relationship. What a break through!
But if that wasn't a big enough healing experience, last night, as I lay in my bed, waiting for sleep to overtake me, I tried visualizing fighting back against the abusers of my life and for the first time in my life, it actually worked! Usually when I try creative imagery, in my mind's eye, all of the devices I use to overcome the attacker fail. But not this time. :) Several people in my elementary school got their faces duct taped, a few of them got put in a box and mailed to Africa and my dad got shot with toilet plungers and hauled off by the police to jail. It wasn't a vengeful thing, it was more of my inner child being allowed to assert boundaries and have them respected, even defended. It was a happy, peaceful and empowering experience and I actually slept pretty well last night.