I was reminded. . .

I was pregnant with Esther when I found my present doctor. I did my homework and found someone who had some experience with patients who had suffered emotional trauma. Over the years, there have been a few misunderstandings that have caused me to consider searching for a replacement doctor. Every time I have come to my doctor with my concerns, he has responded with compassion and patience. Today was no different.

Mark and I discussed with my doctor today whether or not further testing is necessary in light of my PTSD. Ultimately that is something that I will prayerfully need to decide. Medically it would be a wise move. Calcification of the breast tissue can occur for mainly one of two reasons. Trauma (his example was if I had fallen and had major bruising which, upon healing, would cause some of the tissue to calcify) or abnormal tissue growth, possibly cancerous, possibly benign. Personally, I do not find it a coincidence that the particular mammary gland in question is the one that recieved the most attention from my mentally ill paternal parent. Hello?!?!!!! TRAUMA!!!! Sure, I did not fall and smash my bosom upon the ground at any point in my life. ( I almost always fall on my right knee when I fall, and once in my life, on my head.) But trauma? Absolutely. Every day, several times a day, for over a decade. Frankly, I find it miraculous that my heart didn't calcify (ie hard heart), considering the profound pain that I endured over the course of my youth.

One option I had not considered is sedation. Take my knight in shining preisthood with me to the next procedure and go to sleep while he watches over me as I am poked and prodded yet again. Yeah, I need to go pray some more. . . . . .